Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

Spoil the rod and spare the child

April 18, 2011 9 comments

Those sparkling eyes,| that charming smile
That look full of love
You cast a spell on everyone
Innocence – you are a child

When you are angry at your child or still worse spank them – have you ever looked into their eyes?
I have seen the look in my child’s eyes when I was angry – and I have decided never to use the cane on my child.

Corporal punishment on a child can dent his/her self-esteem and confidence. Caning can create resentment and rebellion in a child. It can terrify a child. A child who grows up seeing violence at home and also being subject to caning grows up with the notion that it is acceptable for the strong to use force against the weak. Such children when they grow up have higher likelihood of becoming aggressive towards their siblings, their classmates and their own children.

Children learn most of their behaviours through imitation of their parents.  Parents are their role model – an example of what is right and good.  They look for love and attention to their parents.

More often than not we hit our children when we are in a bad mood and not because they have done anything wrong.  Anger is nothing but blocked desire.  In such an angry mood, when your child comes and asks you an innocent question – we vent our anger on the kids.

Then how do we discipline our child:

Firstly, we have to set ground rules- they have to understand what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour

Secondly,  it is very important to communicate regularly with your child.  They have to understand why they are not allowed to do certain things.  As they grow older they develop assertiveness.  This is a good sign and should not be only viewed as disobedience.

Some parents ask for blind acceptance from children.  This does not nurture confidence and sets a poor example.A child who is always being ordered about is not going to develop the confidence  to think and reason for themselves at school and at home.

Next, we have to lead by example – You cant tell your child to stop watching TV while you are happily sitting in front of the idiot box all day.

Use positive language  – Instead of saying – Dont do that or stop doing that – we could use positive language like : I need you to  or I expect you to

Focus on the behaviour not the child.  Children should understand that they are being punished for their behaviour and not because you don’t like them

Dont take away their dignity – Show respect for the child.  Make sure you address the problem behaviour rather than attacking the character of the child

Let us not destroy that innocent spark that budding creativity.  Let us create an environment for our children by which they will develop into confident, creative and well-rounded personalities able to contribute to society.

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