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Marriage is not a fairy tale!

October 27, 2012 Leave a comment

(This is the text of the speech I delivered at the Div Z Humorous speech & evaluation contest on 27th Oct 2012)

How many of you have read the story of Cinderella?
The beautiful princess Cinderella married her charming prince who found her missing shoe and they lived happily ever after?

Contest Chair, Respected Judges and  fellow toastmasters

Stop reading those fairy tales  – I say!  If you want to get the girl of your dreams or you want to have a happy marriage – stop reading those fairy tales.

We read these fairy tales and grow up in a world thinking marriages are made in heaven, marriage is  a bed of roses with no thorns.  But in reality,  marriages are made right here – on earth and they are a bed of thorns with roses a few and far between.

And the modern day girl thinks her boyfriend  is the knight in shining armour who comes on a horse in ‘Gangnam style’ and sweeps her off her feet.

Before marriage men and women only present the best sides of themselves.  The guy is

Handsome

Financially independent

Witty and cracks jokes

In good shape

takes her to expensive restaurants

Before the marriage the boy is head over heels in love and cant wait for the big day to arrive.  He shops for a diamond ring.

Every day he wants to take his girl friend to candle-light dinners

He has the memory of an elephant – he remembers her birthday,  and even her mothers birthday

Changes, his shirt and  ties everyday

Works out in the gym everyday to impress his girl friend with those ‘Hulk Hogan’biceps and 6 packs

Before my marriage my wife tells me that I used to lecture a lot to her.  But after marriage I have become quiet.  That is why  I take part in humorous speech contest every year because it is the only time I get 5-7 mins of uninterrupted attention and everyone including her thinks we  are all having fun!

After the marriage  –

Instead of taking  her to expensive restaurants – now he takes her to McDonalds once in a while

the same guy with the memory of an elephant  cant remember his own birthday – and when he goes to the grocery store he goes blank and has to call his wife to ask her what he has to buy.

Now instead of changing his shirt and ties – he changes diapers for his new born baby

He used to be handsome – now he he starts to grey and lose hair

He used to shave everyday and put on perfume – now he shaves on weekends

He had a 6 pack = now he thinks his pot belly  is a sign of his prosperity

Before marriage a woman is –

Shy

Cute

Does not like shopping

Does not like to talk

After  the marriage the girl only has–

2 hobbies – shopping and talking. The third one is ‘cooking’ is thrust on her by her mother-in-law.

She thinks that shopping malls were made for women.
When she goes shopping she needs the husband to tag along to carry her handbag and to pay for the purchases. Man the guy used to go everyday to the gym to build those biceps!  Those biceps are not meant to carry ladies handbags.. they are meant to hold weights, haversacks and lift his girl while he is doing the salsa.

She thought her prince does not burp, does not dig his nose and does not break wind  but after marriage all hell breaks loose – and he does all three at the same time.

So here are some tips for guys for survival..

First –  listen, listen and listen but do not speak.  Here you may have to practice some neck exercises.  You can also practice using as many pause fillers as possible – like Ah, umm, ohoh, ok   So she will think you are paying full attention to her even if your mind is elsewhere!

And for girls –

Do not try to impress your husband – instead you have to tackle the VIP the very irritating person– the mother-in-law.  Be at her beck and call. Be ready to do anything for her.

Marriage is not about waiting for prince or princess charming to come – it is about making things happen.  It is about simple things like sitting together on the beach and watching the sunset, it is about valuing each others freedom rather than tying each other in knots.

So put your feet firmly on the ground because no knight is going to come to sweep you off your feet

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…

April 4, 2012 2 comments

 

I believe that sex Is more an act of love and should only be performed with a person that you believe in and can spend the rest of your life with you. This may be more because  of my  culture and upbringing,    Marriage is more than sex and  it is not like  a car which has to be test-driven before a buy.   When two people commit themselves to marry  then there is more than a physical relationship to it – there is friendship, bonding and love for each other.  There is also a high level of trust wherein  both partners give each other freedom to achieve their dreams.

Many people presume that ‘sex’ is all there is to marriage and that is why we see so many broken marriages, prostitution, sexually transmitted diseases etc.  Understanding and compatibility are vital to marriage – it is a relationship which is more than a first crush or a platonic relation.

A lot of considerations which are not first apparent crop up in a marriage – culture, language, religion which friends take for granted but later on in life they are unable to adjust.

So yes, if you intend going for a marriage or a long-lasting relationship – it requires a commitment and both parties have a role to play to make the relationship work and last!  If there has been an affair before marriage it is best for partners to be open about it and get to terms rather than opting for a life of secrecy and mis-trust.

Categories: General Tags: , , ,

iPhone mania

August 26, 2011 18 comments

(This is the text of the speech I delivered at the Humorous Speech & evaluation contest of Bishan Toastmasters Club)

Can I have a show of hands – How many of you are married?
Well, the rest of you – what about you? – don’t worry – i wont tell anyone else.
Alright, alright… I will tell you  — ALL OF YOU ARE MARRIED – married to technology

Contest Chair, Judges, Fellow Toastmasters and friends –

Our generation is a wired generation exposed to so many gadgets like laptops, netbooks, ipads, smartphones and social media that we are all wedded to technology.

This morning as I was coming by the train .. I saw everyone was looking at their gadgets, toying with them, fondling them and staring at them with such fascination that it would put your friend to shame.

Then I went into a dream world.  I imagined that in a few years from now – Steve Jobs, Marc Zuckerberg and Larry Page would have an additional responsibility – as marriage counsellors.
And I imagined how my marriage would be solemnised by Steve Jobs.

Do you take this iPhone to be your wedded wife?
Yes I do

Will you feed her with juice everyday?
Juice
Yes – 230V of power supply
Yes I will

Will you take care of her today, tomorrow and forever?
Yes, I always take good care of her

Will you keep her close to your heart?
Yes, I always keep her in my shirt pocket.

What if some  sweet, sexy and charming model calling herself iPhone5   were to cross your path one day?  Do you promise that you will not ogle at her, not even touch her
Yes, I promise(wink)

Ok. Now I pronounce you man and wife.  

After the wedding, it was our first night.  I was head over heels in love with her – all excited.  She was decked in the most beautiful outfit and she had a feather touch.  At first, I was shy.  But then, I relaxed, touched her, caressed her.  I don’t want to get into the details….  and then we went to sleep.

Early morning I was awakened by her sweet ring – Tring   Tring…

And then the days of our honeymoon began.

You have heard of men who pamper their women with handbags, shoes, nailpolish, mascara, perfumes etc etc.  Well I started pampering my partner with accessories too – An armband, a different case for each day of the week, spare batteries, screen protectors, a stereo Bluetooth adapter, wireless speakerphone, and even a dock powered by tube amps

She introduced me to all her relatives  right from the smallest ipod nano, ipod shuffle, ipod classic, ipod touch, Macbooks and the iPad.  They were all so charming that I considered myself lucky to be a proud member of the Apple family.

Every day she would wear new apps  – one day facebook on her menu would beckon me to dare to caress its button ,  the next day  twitter winks at me and entices me with her latest tweets, the next day foursquare .   When I was hungry – she would show me the nearest restaurants

When I was lost .. her GPS would show me the shortest route.  And when I was in a playful mood she would present  fruit ninja, cut the rope.angry birds.  If I was bored she had music, she could take pictures on her camera…. When it was dark and scary, she would light up my path.  When I was  at a loss for words, her dictionary would help me out.  She had an answer to all my questions.  What more can you ask from your wife?

Then one fine day, I realised, I was being overwhelmed by her.   – she was a wolf in sheeps clothing.  She had taken control over my life.  She had made me a vegetable.  I remember – that I would occasionally go for a jog, skating or cycling.  But now I could not leave her for even a second.

I had forgotten the real world outside – things that I loved – nature, the sea, sun , the stars and my family.  I said…. enough is enough.   Please do not cling to me anymore.  I cant be with you 24 hours of the day.

My dear friends if you do not want this  marriage to technology to ruin your life then you have to learn to balance your virtual life and your real life.

By the way the iphone5 is really nice – you know?

Thank you!

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