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Fasten your seat belt

September 4, 2015 Leave a comment

This is the transcript of the speech that I delivered at the Area Z3 Humorous Speech contest held yesterday at Katong CC.

“Passengers travelling on flight  TR2652 to Bangalore please proceed to boarding gate 42”.

I had overslept and just made it to the airport in time.  I checked in my baggage and proceeded to the immigration counter.  I handed over my passport.  The immigration officer looked at my passport and gave me a long hard look….”You have a moustache here”.. “Um – I shaved it off”.  He then looked at me like I was a convict.  He  gave me a dressing down from head to toe before he let me go.

When I  reached the boarding gate I hear the announcement.  All first class and priority passengers can board the aircraft.  Then its the turn of passengers with children.  And finally it’s the turn of the   cattle class to board the plane.

When I finally enter the plane, the first class passengers are already seated.  They have already got their laptops and tablets ready.  And they look at you with a scorn – as If to say “Yeah, Im making money even now”.  You losers why have you entered our domain. 

Contest Chair, Judges and fellow toastmasters –

In the earlydays , air travel was a luxury. Male passengers wore suits and ladies wore dresses . Passengers were treated like royalty and waited on hand-and-foot by stewardesses who looked like Angelina Jolie or Sharon Stone.

Today, air fares have become  so cheap  that on some airlines you may be greeted by uncles and aunties.

Air travel has its quirks and has always been a conundrum for me.

When you enter the economy class.  you find a tall, huge man is trying to fit this big, bulky bag into the overhead compartment.  He is oblivious to the queue of people forming up to enter. Finally he realises that the bag cannot make it after all and the air hostess helps him out.

When I am travelling alone, I always like to select the window seat or the seat near the aisle.  This is because in the middle seat you are awkwardly sandwiched between 2 complete strangers.  On my recent flight I was delighted to get the window seat.  Then this big fat man comes in and occupies the middle seat.  He extends  himself to both sides like an  octopus.. I was left with no choice but to look out of the window.

Once the flight took off, the man in front of me reclines his seat all the way until it falls into my lap. So there I was trapped in my seat with no escape route.

I am anxious during take-off and landing.  Because my wife grabs hold of me all of a sudden. She is afraid of heights.  And I am afraid of her.

Then this gorgeous lady comes in wearing a yellow jacket .. and proceeds to give the safety announcement.  She is so fast that you cant catch any pause fillers.   But no one pays any attention.  “Fasten your seat belit like this. She then proceeds to do the Macarena There are 2 exits in the front, 2 behind and 2 at the sides.  In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure oxygen  masks will drop from overhead..  Please put on your mask like this.  If you are travelling with children first put your mask and then attend to your child.  In the unlikely event of having to land on water,  put on the life jacket,  blow into the jacket like this,  and blow the whistle like this.”

And then you can see that another air stewardess  looks at you from behind the curtain that demarcates the boundary of first class and economy.. and then she gives you a look…(as if to say…work harder and if you are lucky you can sit here one day)

Then it’s the turn of the pilot to make his presence felt.  So he comes on air – “Welcome aboard Tiger Airways. This is your captain Derek Marshall speaking,.  Today you are being served by our two charming ladies Vera Wee and Celine Goh. We are currently cruising at 37000ft above sea level and our current speed is 400 miles/hour .   On your left you can see the Riau archipelago and on your right you can see Legoland. At this rate we should reach our destination ahead of schedule”

Once the plane lands, the people scamper and  rush to open the overhead compartments, handphones go ring ring, and people are scrambling for the exit as if there is a bomb on the plane. Even school children are better behaved when the bell rings for end of school.

We have new experiences that amaze us from time to time and we have to be grateful to the pilot and the crew in making each of our flights a safe and pleasant journey!”

Traveling not only teaches us the value of life, but also exposes us to the sights , sounds , and stories of near and far-off places. It compels us to think about everything that is right and wrong with this world

In the words of Gustave Flaubert –

“Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

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Categories: Books Tags: , , ,

Dell Singapore – Switch On To Inspiration

August 3, 2011 2 comments

Here is my blog post for this contest:

WHAT INSPIRES ME TO BLOG

An outlet for creativity
Blogging is a creative outlet for me. An outlet to express my emotions. An expression of love, a celebration of success, an inspiration on the joys of life and a search for the truth.

Blog to inspire
We can blog to inspire and motivate and develop the leaders of tomorrow. To instill values that stand the test of time. To inspire people to live a life of value based on simplicity, truth and courage. To stop the mad rat-race and greed that is leading to our downfall. To seek to know the true purpose of our life.

A stand against injustice
Blogging also enables us to take a stand against injustices prevailing in society like corruption, child labour, rape, terrorism, atrocities against women, racial distinctions etc. By blogging we can take little steps to enlighten and educate people of the ills in our society.

A fight for a noble cause
Blogging helps us to undertake and mobilise people to work for noble causes like education for the poor, the fight against poverty, environmental causes, food and water for poor etc.

The recognition of the oneness in us
Blogging opens our heart to the world. It recognises the oneness in all of us. And by sharing our joys, sorrows and successes we recognise and re-inforce the belief that a community effort is more successful than a lone voice that cannot be heard. It helps us to mobilise people towards a noble cause.

We can blog to inform, to educate, to share, to lift the spirits, to lighten the mood, to seek the truth, to inspire with poetry, stories, art, travel and photography.

And here is the link to vote for me: (Just go to the voting gallery and click on my name)

http://www.facebook.com/DellSingapore?sk=app_147044865371749

Categories: General Tags: , , , ,

Blogengage blogging contest

April 22, 2011 4 comments

An opportunity for bloggers to engage and be noticed. BLOGENGAGE has an amazing contest for you all!
Here are the details:

Start Date
April 16 2011

End date
May 31 2011

Contest Rules

In order to qualify for our contest you must write an article about the blogengage contest and it’s sponsors on your blog ASAP! The sooner you write the article about our contest and sponsors the more bonus points you get.
If you write about the contest and sponsors article in April you will get 300 Bonus points. If you write about the contest and sponsors article in May you will get 150 Bonus points.

Special 1000 USD Note
By entering into our contest your guest article is automatically entered into a chance to win the the $1000 USD to the best guest blogger of 2011 contest

Dec 01 2011 I will allow all our guest bloggers that have submitted contest articles to pick the one article they want to use towards The Best of the Guest Blogger Year End 2011 Contest. These articles will be judged and the winner, the blogger who has the best article in 2011 will be awarded 1000 USD.

Contest prizes
First place 250 USD
Second Place 150 USD
Third place 100 USD

How to Win?
To win the contest you must get as many points as possible by tweeting, engaging here at blog engage, Linkin in votes, facebook likes, comments and sponsor reviews.

Tweets, 1 point up to a max of 250 points
Linked In Votes, 1 point, up to a max of 500 points
Facebook Likes, 1 point, up to a max of 500 points
Engages at Blog Engage, 2 points, Unlimited points
Comments that provide value, 2 points Unlimited Points
Sponsor Reviews, 10 points per review. max points based on unique content

More details & Links to the contest sponsors.

Links to our contest sponsors

Ana from Internet Marketing Tools
Kimberly Castleberry from WordPress and Facebook Marketing
Justin Germino from justingermino.com
Amogh from The Funky Chunk
Don Power from sproutsocial.com
Kavita from SFIhomebizz.com
Latief from Simple Blogging Tips
Sheila Atwood from newbielifeline
Matt Conlon from Matt Conlon.com
Aswani from aksindiblog.com
Kharim from Free Blogging Tips
A. Tatum from maddencorner
Tuan from Technology News
Omer Greenwald from webtechwis
Aybi from social media for business
janwong from janwong.my
Robert Bravery from integralwebsolutions
RowenaBolo from AsianMarketer
Ileane from basicpodcastingtips
David Leonhardt from SEO consultant
tonyknuckles from 113tidbits
Cosmin Stefan from themilliontwister
Joyce Oladipo from joyceoladipo
Jon from Essex Portal
Jon from jonalford
Mavis Nong from attractionmarketingonline
Dahlia Valentine from That Internet Marketing Thing
Jan Rossi from getyoustartedemarketing
Janet from The Natural Networker
Dennis Edell from Direct Sales Marketing
Vijayraj Reddy from Make Money Online
Alex from Jocuri from jocurile
Tony Hastings from thetop10blog
Neeraj Rawat from expertsgalaxy
Kristi from Blog Marketing
Mani Viswanathan from DailyBlogging
Alex from make money with amazon
Estava Morioka from estavamorioka
Shiva from Webmaster Tips
Robert Dempsey from Internet Marketing Strategies
kbharath from Techntricksonline
Steve from Lifestyle Design
ndreas from Online Advertising
Saket Jajodia from SJbn.Co
Bican Valeriu from smarketools
Wong Chendong aka The Bad Blogger
Nishadha from Make Money Blogging
Dave Grimes II from thesisready
Devesh from Blogging Tips
Matthew from Home Based Internet Businesses
Paul Salmon from Technically Easy
kirapermunian from geekster online
John Paul from Blog Resources
John from Hypertransitory.com
Michael Aulia from CravingTech.com
Daniel Snyder from fireproof safes for data
Deepak from Lead Generation
Nicholas Wind IMer from cashflowduplication
Sarah Lam from writingconsultation
Catarina Alexon from catarinasworld
MtnJimFisher from outsourcing
Peppy from The PeppyWrites Chronicles
Felix Albutra from Blogging Access
Gloson from social media and blogging tips
sajeev kumar menon from sajeevkmenon
Argie Monroy from Live Life More
Andrew Williams from The Billionaire’s Butler
Memoirs of a Single Dad from Memoirs of a Single Dad
Gera from SweetsFoodsBlog
Togrul from Income Streams
Jennifer from emptypockets01
ptaylor98 from ptaylor98.jottit
Doc Sheldon from docsheldon.com
Goran from Black Hat Source
Ninure from Ninure da Hippie’s Blog
Christine from christine.biz
Sarah from templatefaerie
Alison Moore Smith from Affordable Web Design for Small Business
Dave Lucas from dave-lucas.blogspot.com
Sean Supplee from Seansupplee.com
DazzlinDonna from making a living online
Pablo Lara H from pablolarah.cl
Tia Peterson from bizchickblogs.com
Dr. Rus Jeffrey from General Sarge
Sietse from allyouneedislists.com
Blazing Minds from Blazing Minds
Typhoon from make Money Online
Kiesha from WeBlogBetter 
Bryan Hollis from News for Bloggers
Harleena Singh from FreelanceWriter.Co
Tristan from Blogging tips
Andi from misadventureswithandi.com
Dr. Hansjörg Leichsenring from der-bank-blog.de
Big Cajun Man from canajunfinances.com
Imran from shariffdotorg
Melinda from findingthehumor.com
Martha Giffen from marthagiffen.com
Dani Nir-McGrath from danimcgrath.com
Pit from pureinfotech.com
TS Redmond Mize from Element Content
Raj Agrawal from Upcoming Technology
Ryan Hanley from Albany Insurance
Kev From kevsproreviews.blogspot.com
Dana from Cell Phone Reviews
Michele Welch from new biz blogger
Josh Thompson from Boom Serve
Ryan Biddulph from Home Based Success 
Fletcher T. from emailfletcher.blogspot.com
Jimi Jones from Jimi Jones
Dwight from FinanciallyEliteBlog.com

Categories: General Tags: ,
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