Marriage is not a fairy tale!
(This is the text of the speech I delivered at the Div Z Humorous speech & evaluation contest on 27th Oct 2012)
How many of you have read the story of Cinderella?
The beautiful princess Cinderella married her charming prince who found her missing shoe and they lived happily ever after?
Contest Chair, Respected Judges and fellow toastmasters
Stop reading those fairy tales – I say! If you want to get the girl of your dreams or you want to have a happy marriage – stop reading those fairy tales.
We read these fairy tales and grow up in a world thinking marriages are made in heaven, marriage is a bed of roses with no thorns. But in reality, marriages are made right here – on earth and they are a bed of thorns with roses a few and far between.
And the modern day girl thinks her boyfriend is the knight in shining armour who comes on a horse in ‘Gangnam style’ and sweeps her off her feet.
Before marriage men and women only present the best sides of themselves. The guy is
Witty and cracks jokes
In good shape
takes her to expensive restaurants
Before the marriage the boy is head over heels in love and cant wait for the big day to arrive. He shops for a diamond ring.
Every day he wants to take his girl friend to candle-light dinners
He has the memory of an elephant – he remembers her birthday, and even her mothers birthday
Changes, his shirt and ties everyday
Works out in the gym everyday to impress his girl friend with those ‘Hulk Hogan’biceps and 6 packs
Before my marriage my wife tells me that I used to lecture a lot to her. But after marriage I have become quiet. That is why I take part in humorous speech contest every year because it is the only time I get 5-7 mins of uninterrupted attention and everyone including her thinks we are all having fun!
After the marriage –
Instead of taking her to expensive restaurants – now he takes her to McDonalds once in a while
the same guy with the memory of an elephant cant remember his own birthday – and when he goes to the grocery store he goes blank and has to call his wife to ask her what he has to buy.
Now instead of changing his shirt and ties – he changes diapers for his new born baby
He used to be handsome – now he he starts to grey and lose hair
He used to shave everyday and put on perfume – now he shaves on weekends
He had a 6 pack = now he thinks his pot belly is a sign of his prosperity
Before marriage a woman is –
Does not like shopping
Does not like to talk
After the marriage the girl only has–
2 hobbies – shopping and talking. The third one is ‘cooking’ is thrust on her by her mother-in-law.
She thinks that shopping malls were made for women.
When she goes shopping she needs the husband to tag along to carry her handbag and to pay for the purchases. Man the guy used to go everyday to the gym to build those biceps! Those biceps are not meant to carry ladies handbags.. they are meant to hold weights, haversacks and lift his girl while he is doing the salsa.
She thought her prince does not burp, does not dig his nose and does not break wind but after marriage all hell breaks loose – and he does all three at the same time.
So here are some tips for guys for survival..
First – listen, listen and listen but do not speak. Here you may have to practice some neck exercises. You can also practice using as many pause fillers as possible – like Ah, umm, ohoh, ok So she will think you are paying full attention to her even if your mind is elsewhere!
And for girls –
Do not try to impress your husband – instead you have to tackle the VIP the very irritating person– the mother-in-law. Be at her beck and call. Be ready to do anything for her.
Marriage is not about waiting for prince or princess charming to come – it is about making things happen. It is about simple things like sitting together on the beach and watching the sunset, it is about valuing each others freedom rather than tying each other in knots.
So put your feet firmly on the ground because no knight is going to come to sweep you off your feet