Home > General > Spoil the rod and spare the child

Spoil the rod and spare the child

Those sparkling eyes,| that charming smile
That look full of love
You cast a spell on everyone
Innocence – you are a child

When you are angry at your child or still worse spank them – have you ever looked into their eyes?
I have seen the look in my child’s eyes when I was angry – and I have decided never to use the cane on my child.

Corporal punishment on a child can dent his/her self-esteem and confidence. Caning can create resentment and rebellion in a child. It can terrify a child. A child who grows up seeing violence at home and also being subject to caning grows up with the notion that it is acceptable for the strong to use force against the weak. Such children when they grow up have higher likelihood of becoming aggressive towards their siblings, their classmates and their own children.

Children learn most of their behaviours through imitation of their parents.  Parents are their role model – an example of what is right and good.  They look for love and attention to their parents.

More often than not we hit our children when we are in a bad mood and not because they have done anything wrong.  Anger is nothing but blocked desire.  In such an angry mood, when your child comes and asks you an innocent question – we vent our anger on the kids.

Then how do we discipline our child:

Firstly, we have to set ground rules- they have to understand what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour

Secondly,  it is very important to communicate regularly with your child.  They have to understand why they are not allowed to do certain things.  As they grow older they develop assertiveness.  This is a good sign and should not be only viewed as disobedience.

Some parents ask for blind acceptance from children.  This does not nurture confidence and sets a poor example.A child who is always being ordered about is not going to develop the confidence  to think and reason for themselves at school and at home.

Next, we have to lead by example – You cant tell your child to stop watching TV while you are happily sitting in front of the idiot box all day.

Use positive language  – Instead of saying – Dont do that or stop doing that – we could use positive language like : I need you to  or I expect you to

Focus on the behaviour not the child.  Children should understand that they are being punished for their behaviour and not because you don’t like them

Dont take away their dignity – Show respect for the child.  Make sure you address the problem behaviour rather than attacking the character of the child

Let us not destroy that innocent spark that budding creativity.  Let us create an environment for our children by which they will develop into confident, creative and well-rounded personalities able to contribute to society.

  1. April 18, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    Hi Sajeevs, the days of using a cane/belt/slipper in the home are over.But i do not agree with someone saying never smack a child on the legs or hand, i do NOT mean hit. A child who goe’s unpunished for doing wrong will continue to do so. At school ( a long time ago ) the teacher’s used a cane on the hand’s and it hurt, but i think it taught us to respect and do right.


  2. April 19, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Sometimes negative reinforcements work, but there are uncontrollable, unpredictable results too. Some who are struck have their growth permanently diverted or arrested. Serial killers almost always had corporal punishment as children, and they came to believe it was the essence of life to cause others pain. Do you want to risk turning your child into a monster? You’ll never know how far it will go if you strike them.

  3. April 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Hi Mikey, i agree with you, i said smack i should have added not so hard that it leave’s a mark. A child should know that when it doe’s wrong it will get punished, with the result ( maybe ) it stop’s doing wrong. A young girl age 14 i know her well, did something bad, her punishment was she lost her phone for 2 hour’s. With the result she got worse.

  4. April 19, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    Thanks for sharing your views:-)

  5. April 23, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    People don’t realize that the “rod of correction” referred to in the bible refers to a Shepherd’s rod – a staff – that is used to GUIDE their sheep.

    It is possible to guide children without hitting/spanking/etc. It takes more patience, more thought, and not setting your kid up for failure.

    • April 24, 2011 at 4:41 am

      Hi K.B. – Thanks for those nice thoughts

  6. April 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @KB,and what happen’s if you do what you say and the child still doe’s not do as it’s told and ignore’s everything you say ??

  7. May 7, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Distraction? Repetition? Taking away privileges such as television, phone, games, toys until behavior changes for the better? Cutting out parties or play dates? No allowance? Removing the child from the situation to cool off? One-on-one discussions? Repercussions and consistency are important.

    There’s no one answer, but I don’t think that spanking is THE answer. It just makes a child fear for his/her safety, not trust parents to keep them safe, and demonstrates that the parent can’t solve problems without losing their temper and practicing violence.

    • May 7, 2011 at 1:24 am

      Hi KB.. there are so many different ways to teach our children the right habits. It calls for patience and maturity on our part. Thanks for the suggestions:)

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